We’re halfway through the year and I’ve barely posted anything on here. Mostly because my brother borrowed my laptop and brings it to the office (he interns with) everyday and because I can access the internet through my smart phone, I almost do not need to open a computer to surf the net. The thing is, I couldn’t get the hang of blogging using my BlackBerry so I busy myself with micro blogging. Ha ha, that’s Twitter.
The only reason, I can post an entry now is because I got my laptop back and I am actually on a ten-day mandatory leave from work. Yes, folks. Mandatory. Such is the perks of working for a bank. They need time to audit your work and make sure you haven’t committed any fraud. So here I am,at the end of my leave (weekends included, so technically, this is 14 of 14) and I’ve spent the previous days sleeping a lot, reading, watching tennis and basket ball on TV and holding solo DVD marathons and hanging out with friends, if I could.
To be honest, I envisioned my mandatory leave to be busy while looking for work. Remember my last post that I was starting to like my job? Well Murphy’s Law deemed that I should be fucked with because weeks after that post, my gay boss whom I loved like a dear friend and one of the reasons I don’t mind the stressful and difficult job itself, got transferred teams and I had to be under a new boss. Those were two grueling months of transition and I had been pushed to perform with my very best. As someone who is not competitive and content to get by, every fiber of my being resist the change. Worse, was that I had to be nice, because, duh, customer service. Why worse? Well, I’m mean and rude and I find it hard and takes a lot of effort to be nice. I do not know how to comfort people in real life. How would management expect me to be reassuring when I talk to clients whenever I try to resolve their many issues? It just seem too much for me at the time and every day I drag myself to work and look forward to the day my contract ends and say goodbye to the BPO industry.
As luck, time and perseverance would have it, things started to change last May. I do not know what exactly, but maybe I got used to the demands and expectations from the team and division I was in. Maybe, by practice, excellence has been ingrained on me that it’s like reflex (whoa). Nevertheless, here we are. I ended up enjoying my leave not having to pressure myself to find another job (yet) and flee from my current company.I even got closer to my new boss. To think that I was blaming her for the pressure and stress I was under the past few months.
I just finished reading Milan Kundera’s The Unbearable Lightness of Being so forgive me if his influence lingers and I say that stress and hardship will always be present and the goal is not to eliminate all of it so I could be happy. As a human being, we will never be without problems and the lightness that looks so seductive, the absence of problems, it may be unbearable after all, and empty. I am not saying that I will actively seek problems but at least the despair I feel when I reach the point where I do not know what to do anymore? It’s ubiquitous. It’s normal. And part of a never-ending struggle of a mere mortal.
Troy (2004) was playing last night and Achilles’ revelation struck me that the gods actually envy us because we are mortal. That everything is beautiful because we’re doomed. We don’t know when our last moment will be.
As a 23 year old bobbing and floating through life trying to find my niche and figure out what I”m good at and what I really wanted to do, it’s only inevitable that at one point, I will fill my blog with existential musings instead of ravings and rants about the latest object of my obsession. Who am I kidding? I’m a fan girl. Of course, I’ll blog about my latest obsessions. Up next is Game of Thrones, tennis, and books I’ve been reading.