Game of Thrones 3 | A Smattering of Douchebaggery from an ASOIAF Book Fan

If you haven’t watched all of Season 3, stop reading to avoid spoilers. The last thing I want is some whiny TV fan complaining that this post ruined his viewing experience.

Spot on.
Spot on.

Season 3 is a pivotal turn for the series with the Red Wedding being the biggest deal [breaker] in the War of the Five Kings. It is when a fan realizes that the Starks may not be the protagonists in this show after all and of course, the shock sets in, that George R.R. Martin kills everyone off. This show is not for the squeamish and weak of heart. Fans of the series will notice that this season showcased more blood and action and less boobs. It doesn’t make the show less appealing because after three seasons, the Lannisters are still sitting on the Iron Throne, the Starks still not reunited, Dany is still in Essos, the Tyrells are asserting their power,Joffrey is still a dick and we’re all somehow waiting for justice. In short, we are all left reeling and Filipinos are wont to exclaim:

Bida ba yon?! Bat namatay?!!!

Some of the biggest shocks for TV fans this season:

  • The Kingslayer losing his hand. Didn’t see that coming, did ya? He deserved it? Nothing that ever happens in this series is ‘deserved’. It happens because of another character’s self preservation and uh, evulz.
  • Dany’s Crowning Moment of Awesome in Astapor. One of my favorite scenes in the book. You think Dothraki language was awesome in the first season but Valyrian is much more so, especially when Dany used it against the slave masters. Dracarys has been trending on Twitter, since then.
  • Theon losing little Theon. Don’t think about telling me again, that he deserved it for sacking Winterfell. You haven’t seen enough bastardry from Ramsay Snow.
  • Bran piloting Hodor’s body. Cool beans? No it’s not. It’s taboo to do that (skinchanging/warging) to human beings; a violation of will and you just don’t see it because Hodor isn’t exactly protesting succinctly. Seizing the body of another man is completely abominable even by wildlings’ standards.
  • Arya’s friendship with the Hound. 
  • Jon Snow knows where to put it. And put it well, baby!
  •  The Heel Face Turn of Jaime Lannister. You could almost forget his incestuous relationship with Cersei and the fact the he pushed Bran off the window ledge. A lot of Jaime- Brienne shippers, this season.
  • Lord Commander Mormont’s death. Ah, who am I kidding? If you’ve watched this series, long enough, you have braced your self in some way because you know, someone is about to die and it’s just a matter of time, cruelty and gruesome details.
  • The Red Wedding. There, there. Stop crying. A lot more is coming. Like, um, Winter.

Let me remind you again, this series is not a depiction of the battle between good and evil. This is GRRM‘s deconstruction of high fantasy. A lot of tropes have been subverted and this complex plot is far from over.

Some of the shocks the book fans got this season:

It either never happened or completely different in the books. I won’t elaborate because I might, um, spoil you. I’ll leave you to figure it out and read the books yourself.

  • Kind Shae
  • “The Lannister sends their regards”
  • Melisandre meeting up with the Brotherhood Without Banners
  • Gendry and Melisandre’s sexy time
  • Joffrey killing Ros
  • The Cersei- Loras Engagement
  • Jaime not shaving his head after escaping Riverrun
  • Osha and Rickon accompanying Bran in his journey to The Wall.
  • Podrick Payne’s sexual prowess
  • Yara (Asha) defying Balon to rescue Theon
  • Balon Greyjoy being alive
  • Daario Naharis being beardless and blonde
  • the Unsullied costume
  • Talisa’s death

Uptight book fans like me, understands.

Kudos, HBO and the Game of Thrones staff, crew, writers and creators for:

  • the rock version(s) of The Bear and the Maiden Fair and the Game of  Thrones opening theme which was played at the end, on one of the episodes
  • the music they arranged for The Rains of Castamere
  • the clockwork Astapor, Yunkai, Riverrun and the Twins in the opening sequence
  • the witty script
  • contributing to my rage issues

Notice when you start to hate one of the characters in The Walking Dead? That’s a hint that your hatred is about to climax and the character dies. HBO’s Game of Thrones is the opposite. Careful when you start loving a character, GRRM may just kill him/her. Haven’t you learned your lesson in season 1 when Ned Stark died?

This is basically GRRM's love letter to his fans.
This is basically GRRM’s love letter to his fans.


Season 4 is the next half of A Storm of Swords and will most likely be shown in March or April 2014. Until then, there’s a massive Game of Thrones withdrawal all over the realm.

Ha ha. I'm just busting your balls.
Ha ha. I’m just busting your balls.



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