Blurry

For the first time, since I have started working, I have felt that I can breathe and think about myself. A chance to take a rest and decide what I would like to do next. A window of opportunity to depend on my parents again after five years. Our roles have been reversed in the last five years– at least in terms of supporting the family.
Two weeks ago, one of my parents came into a small inheritance. Quite small, but enough to tide us over should I decide to stop working in an office and consider what I would do next.

 

I’m dying to breathe in these abundant skies

It certainly wasn’t enough to make me consider going back to school but I felt relieved that I could breathe again, even for a little space of time. At the same time, every day that I stay with the company I am working for, is a struggle. Daily, I am tempted to skip work, or maybe go AWOL. Sadly, I am hard-wired to be responsible and I end up going to work every day and on time. I’m such a ninny.

It may be too early for burnout as I have only been in this company for almost two years but I am tired of being on the frontline. I want to venture in a different industry altogether.

At 24, the vision for the future is blurry. I keep dreaming about living abroad for years at a time. I am in no way near that dream. My portfolio is next to non-existent, personal savings is a mess, my net worth– no idea. It’s a day-to-day survival with little regard to the future, however much I look forward to it. I have not gone to places, seen people nor feel anything in a bigger scale.
There is a dark, restless thing that resides in this soul. And I only know what I do not want.

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