Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like an armor, and it can never be used to hurt you. –Tryion Lannister, A Game of Thrones
Nothing like a book to articulate what you have been doing/dream of doing in a few words.
I just realized that for the past year or two, I could identify what I’m not good at more than what I can do well.
I am not sure if I list down my flaws as a way to
(a) alienate or intimidate people,
(b) to sound more bad-ass,
(c) to try my hand at self-deprecation or
(d) follow Tyrion’s advice.
You are welcome to theorize but I’m going to make another list today. I like making lists–like Santa Claus.
1. I am very uncoordinated.
As a little girl, I would normally trip over my own feet and hurt either myself or anyone in close proximity. Think Bella Swan awkwardness, only milder as the years went by. It’s also the reason I am not sporty and don’t dance.
I have the scars on my knees and legs to prove how often I fall merely by walking on a level surface. It’s not so bad. People don’t know about it much except my childhood playmates, family, and of course, people who saw me fall down.
2. I can’t sing the 12 days of Christmas beyond the 5th day.
I don’t know the lyrics. Or I never seem to have learned it no matter how many times it plays. I even came across a Nora Roberts book once where the guy gave all 12-days-of-Christmas gifts to his true love (a creative and modern version, to boot!) but I still can’t sing it.
Aside from the growing disillusion that those things never happen in real life, I still haven’t learned to sing the 6th day gifts up till the end.
3. I cuss like a sailor.
I learned to swear when I was 11 from my gay classmate in Journalism class. Since then, almost every sentence I utter has a swear word in it. It went on until college but I stopped for a bit when I found church but a year ago, at the guise of dropping all pretenses, my sentences were peppered with it again.
Filipino swear words have heavier impact, I think, than the ones I use in English. It has more tang, zest and poignancy and sometimes more humor in it.
Mark Zusak taught me how to swear in German when I read Book Thief, Ken Follett taught me how to swear in Latin in World Without End and of course some Spanish swear words in my vocab somewhere because that’s what remains of the 300-year-invasion of the Spaniards in my motherland.
4. I push people away.
It’s not always intentional but it always happens. Intimacy is fucking scary.
5. I can’t sing.
I can’t sing well. I am sometimes tone-deaf. That doesn’t stop me though from singing my own songs. Out loud. In a mindless state where people can hear me. I grew up with Disney princesses singing every time they narrate. So there’s no surprise in there. It’s just like what Zooey Deschanel does in New Girl when she suddenly bursts into a song about what just happened or what she is doing. You will observe this syndrome in girls born in the 90s because they pretty much absorbed those Disney movies.
6. I have short legs. Big thighs. Small chest. Wide hips and my hair is not all shiny.
I can’t remember when I stopped despairing my physical flaws but I just did. Why worry about something so ephemeral? The standard of beauty is constantly evolving and as long as I don’t highlight those flaws, I may as well dazzle you with my sterling qualities. HA HA.
7. I don’t have a talent to showcase.
Can’t sing. Can’t dance. Not very good with instruments. Nothing comes to me naturally so if I want to learn something, I need to work for it.
8. I’m a Grammar Nazi prone to typos.
Follow me on twitter or any other blog you can find authored by me. You’ll spot it.
9. I can be quick to judge at times.
Quick to anger too.
10. I talk way too much.
At all the wrong moments. But I’m learning to keep things to myself and discern when something is best left unsaid.
I would rather be admittedly evil than a hypocrite hiding behind excuses or worse, self righteousness.
While you may find all my other flaws as I enumerate them or as you get clues in my blogs, I like it that way. And oh, I like tea-cup pigs.
Let him who is perfect and without a sin, cast the first stone.